Why I hate Cards. (And why the smartest people use them anyway)
I’ve always hated greeting cards. (Don’t judge me).
Not because I’m antisocial. Not because I don’t care. But because most cards are emotional outsourcing, a way to perform connection without actually engaging in it. It’s basically the way to express emotion for those who suck doing in in person.
A store-bought card says:
“This occasion requires acknowledgment, and I’m complying.”
That’s it.
The language isn’t yours. The sentiment is pre-approved. The risk is zero.
Cards exist to maintain social equilibrium with minimal effort. They’re ritual objects, not expressions. And when authenticity matters, people can feel the substitution immediately.
That’s why cards feel hollow to some people. They simulate warmth without intimacy. They check a box instead of leaving a mark.
So how you have an idea of why I hate fucking cards.
But... past the hate. If I’m honest... Cards are the ultimate social play.
When Cards Stop Being Polite and Start Being Powerful
There’s a different category altogether: handwritten notes sent selectively.
Not mass thank-yous. Not obligatory wedding cards. Not “just wanted to say” filler.
I’m talking about the handwritten note:
to a former boss after leaving a job
to a specific couple after a wedding
to someone who referred you, advocated for you, or took a quiet risk on you
This isn’t sentiment. This is social precision.
The difference is selectivity.
When only a few people receive a handwritten note, the signal changes entirely. Time, effort, and attention become visible. The message isn’t “I’m polite.” It’s:
You are distinct in my internal map.
Humans track relative inclusion obsessively.
The Power Move Nobody Names
Take the old-boss example.
Writing a handwritten note after you leave a role subtly flips the hierarchy. You’re no longer subordinate. You’re not asking for anything. You’re closing the relationship cleanly, on your terms, with reflection rather than need.
That’s status inversion.
It reframes you as:
intentional rather than dependent
reflective rather than transactional
a peer looking back, not someone looking up
Good leaders feel this even if they never consciously analyze it. The note matters.
Why Handwritten Notes Last
A handwritten note is a physical artifact. It gets rediscovered during office cleanouts, moves, transitions, and endings. Each rediscovery re-anchors you to a positive identity.
That’s not charm. That’s memory engineering.
The Real Rule
People who use this well don’t overuse it. They’re surgical.
Because once everyone gets a handwritten note, it collapses back into politeness. Scarcity preserves power. Precision preserves credibility.
Bottom line
I hate cards because most of them are fake intimacy.
But handwritten notes used sparingly, deliberately, and without an ask, are not about being nice. They’re about leaving a clean, durable imprint on someone’s internal ledger.
That’s why the big dogs use them.
